Happy Halloween!

I feel badly that all I'm doing is posting updates rather than content. My new project is coming along though. Not quite as quickly as I'd like, but between work and life it's not easy to devote more than a few hours every day.

In any case, happy Halloween! Good costume idea: grab a paperclip and say you're going as yourself from the future with the latest in Apple technology.

I'll post something of substance soon, promise.

Two Million Views

It was pretty cool to check the other day and see that my old Cracked articles are still gathering page views. Since I last looked several of the pieces have eclipses two million views each! It was a cool feeling.
I'm close to ten-thousand words for my new project. Not much, yet. My goal is to finish it before the end of November. Wish me luck!

Day of the Groundhog

It wasn't my intention to begin a blog, consistently update it and then abandon it for two and a half years. Part of that was life; I met someone and suddenly the need to write that always itched inside disappeared. Whatever I found through writing was only found through writing, until I met her. Then all of my time had to be with her. It just felt right.

We're engaged now, and while my feelings haven't lessened my desire to be creative and productive has grown. I started working on something this morning. It's rough, and not at all the type of writing I ever wanted to do, but it's something I'm excited about and eager to keep attacking.

In the mean time, I want to bring this blog back to life.

Good News, Most Viewed and Selling Out

Good news! So yesterday my latest Cracked article came out called 5 Ways Video Games Are Saving Mankind. I have tons of unused entries to post, mostly because my pitch was merged with someone else's since they covered the same topic.

Other news is my Literary Classics article was on Cracked's Most Viewed Articles list for the month of March. This is the 2nd time I've made the list, though I might do it again with my Fan Theory one. What does that mean for me? Mostly nothing. I get a sweet bonus and some bragging rights in my own head, but it's still cool to think I wrote something for a major website that was one of their biggest hits for a month.

Some folk may have noticed the presence of ads on my blog now. Yes, it's true, I sold out; i.e. I'm trying to find more ways of making a living off of writing. To put it into perspective, I think I've made one cent thus far off of views.

I'm living the dream.

I guess it's less "selling out" and more "I really want to find a way to be a full-time writer and if I can do something that will add even a few bucks to my revenue stream I will." I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to talk about the individual ads or whatever (the freaking TOS reads like the rules of Fight Club). But I'll try to find ones that are fairly relevant to the content I post and not utterly dumb.

Anyways, hope you're all having a great weekend!

The Recipe for Comedy is Serial Killers?

Usually I work from home; I'll sit outside with a cup of coffee and headphones planted in my ears, spending 3-4 hours doing whatever needs to be done. But sometimes I run off somewhere else if my house is proving too distracting (i.e. Mass Effect 3 is begging me to finish it).

Other times I run off to a Starbucks or where ever, find a corner to sit in and try not too distracted by the hundreds of messages I get an hour from my massive pool of fans.

Pictured: My fans.

Right now I have one more Cracked article queued up to come out, but then the next closest thing is some stuff I'm working on that's only half done. Really this is my own fault; from the first Cracked piece getting accepted to now I've been really good about working hard to make sure I always had 2-3 scheduled to be published, but I've been lax for a while now. 

So I'm working on a few things, but the research is taking forever. I'd love to do another criminal escapes article but the views on the last one weren't very high, despite lots of positive comments. Perhaps I'll do something about the worst serial killers nobody has ever heard of. That's the recipe for comedy, right?

On second thought, I'd better order another americano and hit the drawing board again. Hope everyone had a good weekend!

-Rich

Cracked Article: 5 Fan Theories That Make Classic Movies Even Better

I'm running late to work (again), but I'll get a post and rejected entries up tonight! Read the article here.

EDIT:

Hey-oh, thanks for being patient. So this article was rare in that I only had one rejected entry that I contributed. Originally I pitched two: one about Pulp Fiction (the briefcase containd Marsellus Wallace's soul) and the Inception theory, but the first was rejected because it was mentioned in a line of another Cracked article.

After that I pitched two more, the Kill Bill one (I swear I wasn't determined to include Tarantino, it just happened) and the Willy Wonka theory.

This article was tons of fun to research. Normally it takes weeks and sometimes months to push a pitch through and get it accepted, but this one was the quickest Yes I've ever had. Granted I didn't come up with the premise, I just hopped on. But reading different fan theories was interesting and it never got frustrating, and I had a few "Oh damn" moments about different films.

In all, I wrote the Kill Bill, Willy Wonka and Inception entries. Hope you all enjoyed the article, here's my one rejected entry:


Pulp Fiction
The Theory:
The briefcase contains Marsellus Wallace's soul

Why It's Plausible
Wallace is seen with a band-aid on his neck, and according to the Bible that's where the devil extracts a person's soul (and we all know about the overt Bible references prevalent in Pulp Fiction). Then there's the fact that the suitcase's code is 666 and whatever was inside glowed and seemed to awe those looking it.

The theory goes on to say that Wallace sold his soul and was attempting to buy it back. Those three kids Jules and Vincent killed were actually the devil's helpers; remember when the fourth kid came out of the bathroom and every shot missed? Jules said it was God stopping the bullets, and it was, because they were saving a soul and nothing else is as important as a human soul.

And doesn't Wallace seem exactly like the top of guy who would sell his soul and then send his two best hitmen to get it back?

I'm a Baby About Being Sick

I've been really sick the last few days, doing nothing but sleeping and drinking water. I've always sort of thought that guys are really stubborn about pain, to the point that we're kind of just dumb about it. "Yeah, there's a nail through my finger. No, I don't need a bandaid, it'll be fine."

Now fixing nails through fingers.

But. BUT. When it comes to being sick, we're the biggest freaking babies on the planet. And no one is guiltier of this than me. The moment I get a cold I'm acting like I'm on my deathbed. I've actually texted friends things like, "I won't make it to morning" (flu) or "If I don't make it, tell my grandma I love her" (allergies). Pain, I can handle, but being sick? Not a chance.

And nothing is bigger proof of this than the other day. I've been fighting a pretty severe stomach flu, but at first I had no idea what it was. Being a massive baby, I automatically assumed the worst. WebMD assured me it was not spontaneous combustion, which was good, but said it was probably appendicitis. These were my first thoughts: "I'm going to die."

The end of me.

Unfortunately it's like that every time I get sick. I get really dramatic and whiny, and usually someone will offer to come over with soup or medicine. Then I get embarrassed for being dramatic and whiny, say it's okay, wait a day and then if I'm not better I continue the histrionics.

I hope all the female viewers are thinking, "Damn, this guy is a catch." Sup, ladies.

In any case, I've barely done that this time around. I mean, I did it a little. To one person. But other than that, I've been good about not exaggerating how close to death's door I am.

Now I must go take anywhere between 10-15 more ibuprofen and pass out. Hope everyone is having a good weekend!